Lisa is a Snarky Jerk: The Godzilla Complex

When I was in high school, we were required to write an essay once a 6-weeks for every class. Yes. Even classes where long form writing didn’t make much sense. I don’t well respond to tasks that I think are a waste of energy. I’ve calmed down a bit as I have aged, but in high school… if I thought something was wasting my time at most, I would refuse to complete the task. At worst, I wouldn’t take the assignment seriously. Now, we all get to benefit from my snark, because I’ve uncovered a few of these essays.

It is important to me to provide comprehensive content warnings, but you should always trust yourself when deciding whether or not to read a post. I don’t think there is any particularly upsetting subject matter, but I’ll make a list anyway. If you have any questions, I am always happy to discuss.

Godzilla
sarcasm
Richard M. Nixon
NASA
decline in science education
I kinda talk about Japan in a weird vague way. I don’t know what that was.
cloning
animals in captivity


The Godzilla Complex

With the decline in interest of space and the increase in our own personal safety, new interesting and hip programs must be initiated to spark the attention of the public. Disguised as a “homeland security” program the “Godzilla Complex” could be developed so we could assist our friends of the east in their own war against terror, the terror that is Godzilla. Finding Godzilla’s origins may lead to the answers to pressing questions about Godzilla’s purpose, weaknesses, and development, thus allowing America to save the day again with our superior brain power and pop culture driven society.

Discovery of Godzilla’s home world (from now on GHW9) would allow us to investigate its terrain, atmosphere and “livability”, we could then determine if Godzilla came to terrorize Tokyo because he could no longer live on GHW9. If that is not the case, maybe Godzilla left a note to his mother about why he ran away from home, maybe it was because she was a bad mother, who never let her son play with his friends, or maybe it was just because she just did not understand, with the unearthing of GHW9 we can find out just how good of a mom was Ms. Godzilla. With Godzilla’s purpose discovered the Japanese government could take the proper action in order to make Godzilla feel right at home, and maybe even achieve his goals.

Also, we could discover his weaknesses at GHW9; maybe there are other monsters like Godzilla which we could study and sedate and poke and prod until we figure out what makes them tick, and then we would know what makes Godzilla tick. With this knowledge (if Godzilla’s purpose could not be found) we could destroy Godzilla, and make him pay for his crimes against the people of Japan! Godzilla could have a weakness for chocolate, like the majority of women, or Godzilla could have a weakness for women, like the majority of men, with an increase in NASA funding, and the development of this pivotal program, we could find out.

Lastly, GHW9 could unlock the secrets to Godzilla’s development. Why is Godzilla such a big lizard? Why does it look like he is just a man in a cheap costume? Why? Why? Why? These questions most definitely will be answered if GHW9 is reached, but we need funding, and with the tag of a terrorist threat, NASA will most certainly receive the money that Enron left over. After finding GHW9 the search for other Godzilla-like lizards would be on, we could make a fundraiser out of it. “Find Godzilla’s Sister and Win!” the PRs will love it, it will bring attention to the program and add a twist so those at home can play along too. If enough money is given to NASA for The Godzilla Complex, we may even be able to clone Godzilla, and watch a baby Godzilla grow and mature, and from a pop culture trademark, we can call him Mini-Godzilla. Thus finding GHW9 would lead to the solutions to Godzilla’s developmental questions.

If NASA’s funding is cut completely our gentle eastern buddies will left be high and dry with their lizards and flying moths, but if NASA can develop such an amazing program like “The Godzilla Complex”, NASA will not only receive the funding it needs, but will also obtain charity points, for helping out the Japanese with their large lizard problem. So, join today, and vote Nixon!

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